Bet you can’t guess what it is…

Last week, we explored how active, real Listening is the key for creating great solutions out of conflict.  Surprise, surprise, it is also the key to your getting what you want out of life.  The second biggest secret to having what you want is to be in constant service to others.  How can you be in service if you don’t know what people want and need?  You could guess, or you could just ask a question and pay attention to the answer.  Which sounds like a more direct route?

My friend, Dean Lindsay, Author of Cracking the Networking CODE, wrote a fabulous article on the topic of Listening and why it is so important for relationship networking.   Love this, and I’m sharing it with all of you today.

Cheers,

Carolann

Photo by Thomas Mues

Listening as if Your Lifestyle Depended on It. It Does!

By Dean Lindsay

Want to deliver solid first impressions that help build powerful, even
priceless, business relationships? Sure you do. We all do. Well then we
gotta’ listen up because everyone has a need to talk and be heard. As
Calvin Coolidge said “No man ever listened himself out of a job.”

Those who choose to really listen to others will always have someone to
talk with. Notice that I wrote talk with, not talk to. Everyone wants to
feel that they are significant and have meaningful ideas to share. The
key is to: Turn people ON to you by tuning IN to them. Good listeners
absorb and reflect on what they hear. They are active in the listening
process. This requires energy and motivation because listening is more
than just hearing. We must work to become active listeners rather than
just passive hearers.

The challenge is that often our motivation to actively listen is not all
that high. We think we can get by without really focusing. This is a
mistake. The ability to value what others say is critical to building
priceless relationships. To make solid first impressions, be determined
to understand completely what others are trying to communicate.

Collect your thoughts and focus.

Think only about the present conversation. How often do you catch
yourself thinking about some unrelated issue when you should be
listening? It is difficult to tune in when you’re preoccupied with
previous conversations or unfinished tasks.

AA-ttennnn-TION

Business philosopher Jim Rohn is quoted as saying, “One of the greatest
gifts you can give anyone is the gift of your attention.” Rohn is right.
Don’t get distracted by other people’s nearby conversations. If you have
to, walk the person you are speaking with to a quieter place in the room
to have your initial chat.

Try this.

Look directly at the person and when they stop speaking, count to two
(in your mind!) before you speak. Committing to this brief pause:

A. helps you avoid interrupting the other person, who may

have only paused to gather his or her thoughts.

B. establishes that what has just been shared was worth

contemplation.

C. gives your brain time to digest the information and ask a good

clarifying question or make a comment.

Ask Questions

Good clarifying questions offer the person the chance to rephrase their
thoughts and say precisely what they mean. Repeating back (as questions
or tentative statements) what you think you’ve heard the other person
say also makes people feel wonderful, and it avoids mind-misreading errors.

Don’t Stress Out

If networking stresses you out, you may turn into an overanxious talker
and end up overpowering the fine folks in the dialogue and not letting
anyone else talk. Active listening can help prevent this from happening.
Think about it:

In the past, at the end of a conversation, did you tend to know more
about the person, or did they learn more about you?

Discipline yourself to uttering no more than four sentences in a row
without stopping. This ensures that others will have the opportunity to
express themselves.

Two ears, one mouth. You know the saying.

Crack the Networking CODE

Be Progress.