Stuck in the Middle? Unleash Your Inner Cool Cucumber

Jun 15

Photo by Chris

Last post, we investigated our perceptions about truth-telling and perceived leadership maturity.  Today, we’re examining the role of emotion and maturity.

Why’s this important?  One of the many challenges for middle managers who are trying to move up or keep off the firing line is to be pereceived as someone who’s a “must” for the future of the organization.  Most middle managers think this is yet another thing that’s out of their immediate control, but as a coach I’m here to tell you that there is a lot we can do to influence perceptions of us.

The reality is that some of us have more emotional sensitivity than others.  For many in leadership positions, that’s a deal breaker, and it leaves the middle manager in a bit of a pickle.

The middle manager probably isn’t receiving that feedback.  It’s couched in vague terms like “needs more maturity” or “seasoning” or “needs to improve communication skills,” and the middle manager either disengages, looks for another position, or starts working hard on something that’s not going to get them anywhere.  Rarely, do middle managers luck onto the key thing that’s going to get them promoted nor do they get guidance, support and feedback from the leadership that’s ostensibly supposed to be developing them for the next level (sorry, executives, but the studies bear that out).

If perchance they do get the feedback in a way that’s useful, most get caught in the “that’s not who I am” trap.  Meaning, they don’t want to be “that person.”  “That person” is probably an executive whose tactics they don’t like.  It could be a past supervisor.  Either way, no one likes to be told that who they are isn’t good enough and doesn’t measure up.  I sure didn’t.

The good news is that this isn’t the losing proposition it seems to be on its face.   You can learn how to regulate your emotions, and I will submit that it is in your best interests to learn this skill besides the obvious one that it will likely improve your relationships at the office.  Anger, stress and fear trigger the “flight or fight” response in brain.  This means that the non-thinking, habit-based, “I’m gonna save you now” Amygdala part of the brain takes over, and the “I’m a thinking, cogent being” pre-frontal cortex part of the starts getting overridden.

But, back to emotional regulation and leadership maturity.

Regardless of what side of the political fence we’re on, I think we can all agree that President Obama is one cool cucumber.  That guy’s got presence.  He’s also got passion – you can hear it.  He’s consistent in demeanor and tone.  And, on the rare occasion that he gets ticked off, it has a lot of impact.

These are skills that can be learned.  The best part about it is that we can still be who we are.  We don’t have to change what’s essential about us to have an exceptional professional presence.

Now there may be other reasons why we can’t get promoted, but our lack of “cool cucumberness” doesn’t have to be one of them.  Your coach can help you to develop this.

Next time, we’ll explore one way that you can flaunt your inner cool cucumber.

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann

Tags: Action Coach, Brain-based Coaching, business coach, Career Management, Carolann Jacobs, Inimitable Leadership, Inspired Workplace, Leadership, Leadership Coach, Legacy Leadership, Life Coach, Middle Management, Middle Managers, Neuroleadership, vivid epiphany