Managewich Tip: Negativity Doesn’t Work, So Quit Getting Sucked In

Oct 6

Photo by elain

I had a great weekend.  As most of you know, Grow Your Business Grow Your Life LIVE! was in Dallas this past Friday and Saturday, and I was blessed with the opportunity to be a part of the behind the scenes planning and execution.  I say blessed because I got to spend time with bright, generous, kind people, and frankly it was uplifting.

It was a stark difference to some data gathering I was doing for a corporate client this week.  We’re early in the process, and one of the things I do is to look at the system and the relationships to see how the team is interacting.  This particular meeting devolved into a gripe session.  (Of course,  this was in the name of problem solving.)

It sounded like this:  This is wrong.  That is wrong.  This shouldn’t be this way.  They suck.  It’s their fault.

Did anything get fixed in this conversation?  Not really.

Did people leave the meeting energized and motivated?  No, just the opposite.

And, then, a subgroup got together afterward (within my earshot) to complain about what should happen and what that manager should be doing.

It reminded me a lot of my 15 years in the corporate system.  How about you?  Do you find that in your meetings?

Here’s the thing.  Negativity doesn’t work.  Complaining doesn’t work.  The same thinking that got you the problem isn’t going to get you to a solution.  Brains don’t work that way.  And, if people focus on the problem they get more problem.

Brains don’t like negativity, either.  It brings on frustration and stress, which triggers the fight or flight response to some degree.  This releases stress chemicals which both inhibit thinking and problem solving in the frontal lobe and stay in the system for a prolonged reaction.

What about the argument that “venting” is helpful?  Studies have shown that it isn’t.  What really happens is that venting gives the frustration and anger energy, and voicing it to others spreads that energy around to so that they get sucked into the negative aura, too.

Let me prove my point.  Think about a time that someone wronged you…. Imagine it.

You relive it, yes?  Reliving it reinforces that pathway in your brain, not the pathway to something different or better.

Two things you can do today to improve the situation:

1. Upgrade your friends.  Do you find yourself sitting around complaining about work with your friends playing the “Who has the worst job” game?  This contributes to a negative attitude at work, and doesn’t help you to rise above.
2. Institute a “No Complaints” policy.  Do not allow people to complain in meetings, or set a SMALL finite amount of time for griping.  Focus instead on what you want more of and how you want things to be.  Focus on solution gets more solution…. Yes?

Finally, make a commitment to be your best you, every day.

Carolann

p.s. – If you’re in the Boston area, Grow Your Business Grow Your Life LIVE! is coming your way.  It’s well worth your time if you’re a service-based solo entrepreneur such as a financial planner, massage therapist, coach, or chiropractor.

Tags: Action Coach, Brain-based Coaching, business coach, Career Management, Carolann Jacobs, Corporate Coach, DFW, Executive Coach, Extraordinary Results, facilitation, Inimitable Leadership, Inspired Workplace, Leadership, Legacy Leadership, Life Coach, Life Coaching, Middle Management, Neuroleadership, vivid epiphany