Along the lines of Taking 100% Responsibility for My Life, I’ve removed some words from my vocabulary. Here’s a quick synopsis for those of you who will now be reading my blog religiously (hehehe, just kidding):

• “Can’t”  - For most things, it isn’t that we “can’t” do them, it’s that we “won’t” do them or we “choose not to” do them.  When we tell our unconscious that we “can’t” do something, our unconscious says “OK, you can’t do that” and then helps us to achieve that.
• “Try” – In the words of yoda – “Do or do not.”  ”Try” puts the seed in our minds that success is optional.  Replace with “will” or “will not” or if you seriously won’t commit, “will put forth my best effort.”
• “But” – and it’s close cousin “however.”  This word negates the entire sentence before it.  I use it selectively and intentionally, when I want to replace the preceding idea.  Replace this word with “and” because that’s what’s usually true.
• “Should” – This word is “could” with shame attached.  I don’t “should” on myself.   The other thing I notice when I want to use the word “should” for someone else, it’s an indicator that person is breaking one of my rules.  It’s a choice point for me about what I want to do next.

So, my new word on the restricted list is “because.”  Like “but” and “however,” this word will now be used intentionally and selectively only at those times when there is a true causal relationship as opposed to a choice point.

Example of an appropriate use of because in a true causal relationship:  ”Ice formed on the pond because the temperature was below 32 degrees F.”

Example of an inappropriate use of because in a choice point:  ”I didn’t get my blog written because I watched TV all day.”  Watching TV all day was not the cause of my blog lacking it’s post.  The cause was my choice to watch TV all day.

The more exact sentence then is “I chose to watch TV instead of (or over) writing on the blog.”  Got it?

And I’m not kidding about hanging on to the F-bomb.  It has impact when used with intention.  I’m still working out the negative energy and it’s impact on water molecules.   It’s right up there with eating meat.  Objectionable on one level, delicious on another   Ah, well, that’s a topic for another day.

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann Jacobs

Think about it.  Who changes their oil anymore?  If I could even locate the oil pan at this point, I don’t have the wrench that would get the oil filter off the car.  And, it would get my nails all funky, and who wants a coach with funky nails?  (I know, an excuse for everything.)

I have clients who want me to “fix them” without their involvement.

Even though we know that exercise and CBT work just as well if not better than anti-depressants for many clinically depressed people, most people would rather just take the drugs than actively participate in their recovery.

We buy the solutions, and when there’s no solution to buy, we complain about it.

It’s very subtle, how our consumerism has created a consumer mindset over the last twenty years.   What I mean by a consumer mindset is that we expect others to do the dirty work.  We’re a nation of sideline sitters, people who participate by either bitching about the people playing on the field or Monday morning quarterbacking the failures.

It’s turned us into victims of circumstance.  And, don’t we feel that powerlessness?  Victims of a bad economy.  Victims of insurance companies.  Victims of poor government.  Victims of the companies we work for.  And on and on.

Today, I request that you do something different.  Be the creator of your experience.  That means, actually doing something different.

Today, be the objective observer.  Just watch and reflect on these questions:

• What if listening created communication?
• How does your interaction with your direct supervisor create the supervisor’s behavior?
• What small change can I make that could impact the outcome of this experience?

Let me know what you notice by leaving a comment below.

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann Jacobs

p.s. – this was adapted from an interview on You Tube with Peter Block.

On the Wagon? Photo by Craig

So, we’re about halfway through January, and even though I suggested that resolutions are a waste of time, I bet some of you made them anyway.  How’s it going?

For those of you who are on track, congratulations!

For those of you who’ve already broken down, how about trying something different this year.

My fabulous mentor coach, Ken Abrams, reminded me to set a different set of goals this year.  Instead of setting “Do” goals (e.g. I am going to grow Vivid Epiphany into $1M in revenue), I was to set “Be” goals.

Not to knock the usual SMART goal setting model.  It has it’s place.  Thing is, most of us are so focused on what we want and how to get it that we forget about who we are.  The What-How-What-How-What-How cycle is exhausting.  And, does it sound a little hamster-on-a-wheel-ish? 

Going from the premise that when I get right, the world gets right, I set some be goals.  The one goal that Ken had for me, which I rephrassed in a way that I could better understand, adopted and which I’d now like you to consider adopting is this:

“I am utilized in this world for what I was made to be.”   Ken’s version is “I’m used for what I’m built for.”  Pick the one you like best.

What this means is that there are all sorts of things that I was made to do, and all sorts of things that I wasn’t.  For instance:

• I am made to be of service to others
• I am made to be a leader in this world
• I am made to have fun

Conversely, I am not made to put up with people’s crap.  Capiche?

Now, some might say, how is this useful?  It’s useful because it puts the idea into your unconscious about what will make you happy.  And, you can look at what you’re doing and feeling to see whether it aligns with what you were made for which gives you the conscious choice and the unconscious tool to keep on keepin’ on or change course.

So, who are you meant to be?

Whatever it is…

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann Jacobs

Photo By Don Van Dyke

Back in the days when I managed multi-million dollar business applications, there were days that it seemed like I, as a manager, and my team of developers could do no right.  Anyone who deals with customers experiences days like these, and our goal is to have these days be few and far between.

Some days, though, we’d start out in that mode.  I’d get a hostile or frustrated phone call from my management counterpart on the business team, and off to the raced we’d go.  Defending one’s position is tiresome, yes?  And, we can agree, not all that productive.

It comes back to how we create memories and the stories we tell ourselves.  Distill, Distort and Generalize is how this works.  My counterparts’ distortion was that there was some bad intention involved (and that she didn’t contribute to the situation).  It’s a lot easier to be angry when you think folks aren’t doing their best work.

Here was the magic statement (said with lots of love and smile) that made her more aware:  “You know, Deena, we don’t wake up in the morning and ask ourselves how we can make this initiative fail today.”

Most people don’t wake up in the morning and ask how they can tick us off or disappoint us today.

And yet, we sort of think they do, don’t we?

Here’s the clue.  Anytime you catch yourself thinking a statement that contains the phrase “should know better,” you’re probably in that mode.  Even if they should know better.

I challenge you to be more aware of your stories and be on the lookout for when you’ve labeled an intention on someone else.  Think about how changing that might impact your relationships.

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann

Photo by Todd Lappin

Imagine…. I am standing high on my soapbox.

Last week, I got an invite to a teleseminar “How To Get Started As A Coach (Even Part-Time), Be Well-Paid
To Share What You Know And Help Lots of People”  I should have known from the “part-time” that I wouldn’t like what was going to be said.  This was a “get rich quick” type thing, and it’s misleading…. and infuriating as the “Coach in a Box” people are unleashed on the world.

The first thing that got my hackles up was the implication that oen doesn’t need to special training to be a coach.  Technically, that’s true, because we’re not state licensed, but as a member in good standing in the International Coach Federation who is working towards a professional certification with that body, I believe in the accredited training.  I can’t tell you how much my skills and the skills of my classmates have improved and continue to improve as we continue our education at institutions like Coach University, University of Dallas and Coaches Training Institute.

The second thing that got me was ” you know how to do something that others will gladly pay you to teach them.”  Folks, that is training or it is consulting, but it is for the most part not coaching.

Coaching is a strategic partnership founded on a proven process of discovery, goal-setting and strategic action that focuses on developing the person.  We get results through facilitating better thought, through asking powerful questioning and listening.  In fact, we spend upwards 80% of the session listening, clarifying and mirroring.

Coaching is a profession, just like project management and nutritionist.  This “Coach in a Box” distorts the profession and confuses the consumer.

Imagine me cringing on my soapbox.

Coaching is an investment, and I want you to have the best experience of your life when you decide that you want to achieve more than you ever though possible.  Here are the top 3 tips for Choosing a Great Coach :

Tip #1: Membership in the International Coach Federation – The ICF is our industry association and our credentialing body.  It’s purpose is to advance the coaching profession by setting high standards, providing independent certification, and building a worldwide network of credentialed coaches.  Members of the ICF must adhere to a Code of Ethics.

Tip #2: Education – make sure that your coach has an affiliation with a reputable institution.  At Coach University, we learned seven guiding principles that help us to relate to and understand our clients.  We also learned several models that are proven processes for getting results.  While many people who call themselves coaches have excellent listening skills, most don’t have the training and tools that wouls take it to the level of a profession.

Tip #3: Rapport – Make sure you interview prospective coaches to find one with whom you have rapport.  This is an intimate relationship, a patrnership, and you want to make sure you feel comfortable enough to be 100% honest with him or her.

Bonus Tip: Look for testimonials and references.  We all want results, and the best way to guage those results is from people who’ve had the experience.

Whew, I feel much better now that you all know what to look for and am getting down off my soapbox now.

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann

p.s. – If you want to experience how a trained coach can positivly impact your work and life, contact us today for a complimentary consultation.

Ken Abrams, the Best Mentor Coach

One of the things that new coach’s realize in the first months of their training is that we didn’t know what we were talking about when we said that we’d been “coaching all of our lives.”  At the beginning, most of us thought that because people seek us out for advice and support that we were coaches, and that was somewhat true for me as I look back over my management career.

However, what we learn at Coach University is that good listening, empathy, and good problem solving skills are just the beginning.  It is our ability to profoundly connect with our clients in a way that inspires them to make significant and lasting positive change that sets us apart from being consultants and cheerleaders.

I believe wholeheartedly in the coaching process, which is why I continue on my own path of improvement with a mentor coach.  My mentor, Ken Abrams, helps me to improve my “who”, to be a better role model for my clients.  He also partners with me to design the coaching practice that I want.  What is really neat about that is that he models a “coach approach” while we do all of these things.

Ken’s most important role is to help me to improve my ability to create discovery for my clients, be a better partner, and to help my clients grow exponentially.  As his apprentice, I am soaking up his wisdom like a sponge.  I aspire to his greatness.

It shouldn’t be any surprise that I think I have the best mentor coach there is.  Ken has supported me when I’ve felt less than enough (yes, even coaches have a bad day.)  He’s kicked me in the seat of the pants when I’ve not worked smart.  (He still thinks I work too hard.)  He’s let me off the hook when my “hurty back” (my husband’s term) overtakes my stamina.

Ken’s given me back my confidence, or maybe it is that he’s helped me to dig deep to find it.  As a result, most days I feel smart, confident, competent, brilliant, shiny, energetic, and excited to start the day.  Don’t you want that for yourself?

This has been the best journey of my adult life, and I want to take as many people with me as I can.  If you want some of what I have, set up a complimentary session with me today.

Virtual hugs,

Carolann

p.s. – If you decide to contact Ken, please tell him Carolann, his number one fan, sent you.

You’d think that as a coach, I’d be all over this goal-setting business.  You’ve heard about goal setting all your life, haven’t you?  Parents, teachers, and self-help gurus will all tell you that you need goals.  People with goals are more successful, right?

Not entirely.  There are a couple of challenges with the way most people set goals.

When most people look at goal setting, what do you think they’re looking at…..

Past, present, or future?

If you said “future,” and that’s truly what you look at when you set your goals, then you are both on the right track and in the vast minority.  The other 99% of people who set goals for themselves do it based on their past.

What’s wrong with that?   Well everything… literally.

They have past-based conversations with themselves that are based on what’s wrong.  What they didn’t get.  What they didn’t do.

The Law of Attraction says that we get more of that upon which we focus, and as people focus on scarcity and lack, they set themselves up for more scarcity and lack.

The other scarcity-based way they set goals is based on an ideal or a “should.”  “I should have made more money.”  “I should have lost some weight.”

Who has set goals in 2009?  How many of those goals are the same as the ones you made in 2007?

As a coach, I help my clients to focus on their personal vision and the implementation of real workable strategy.  My premise is this:  The shortest distance between points A and B is a straight line; it really helps to know where point B is.  You can do things the way you’ve always done them, or you can meet with me to design vision and strategy so that your life is much more effortless.  Contact me for a complimentary session to see if coaching is the right way for you to get what you really, really want in 2009.

Peace and Prosperity,

Carolann

p.s. – A big thank you to my mentor coach, Ken Abrams from Top Coach International, who is helping me to get what I really, really want this year and who shined the light on this topic.

p.p.s.- Are you tired of the journey down the meandering road to don’t know where?  Wouldn’t you like to accomplish something really great this year?  Get your complimentary session today.

In this interview, Sandy talks about the Single Daily Action (something I use myself and with my clients), how to ask for help finding opportunities in a way that people will go to their mental rolodex, his formula for introducing yourself in a way that generates interest, and how to make wonderful things happen for you.

Sandy is one of my role models.  As a graduate of Coach U, I have benefitted indirectly and directly from his wisdom.  If you want some of what Sandy and I have (peace, passion for what we do, financial success),  I am happy to provide a complimentary consultation.

Peace and Prosperity,

Carolann

p.s. – It isn’t too late to join the F*R*E*E* teleseminar “Land Your Dream Job ~ 8 Strategies For Outrageous Success in 2009″ with my special guest Miriam Salpeter of Keppie Careers.  Miriam writes an oustanding blog, and you can read her post about our teleseminar here.

I wasn’t quite ready to write on my own blog about this, however, I wanted to give my readers first crack at getting registered.  We have 190 spaces left as of today, and I expect those to go in a matter of hours once we start the publicity machine.

I will give you a teaser though… we’re going to teach you how to get your name out into the world, past your immediate network, so that opportunities come to you as opposed to your chasing them.

I recommend that you sign up during this pre-registration period.  Feel free to forward this on to your friends.

Happy New Year,

Carolann

I don’t like bothering my web designer for small things.

You see, my background is in Information Technology.  Nearly a decade ago, I was a web developer for about a minute.  Adding an RSS Feed button shouldn’t be a big deal for someone with my vast experience with HTML coding, and so, I added that myself.  I didn’t like what the About this Place said on the side bar, so I changed that, too.  I didn’t like the paragraph color, so I changed that in my style sheet, too (in production, without taking a backup).  All was well, until I got a call from Jeremy McKane, my web developer, “What did you do to your blog!”

But it looked so good in Firefox.  What could he possibly mean?  I had no idea that my blog had said {end if} to the Internet Explorer world for the last week.

Poor Jeremy spent hours trying to figure out what I had done.  I’d updated files.  I’d posted on the blog.  As it turns out, it was the cutting and pasting in ot my blog posts from Word that was doing me in. (Ironic that non-Microsoft product could figure it out and post the page correctly, yes?).  Sadly, the subscribe buttons are gone again.  Good news, I didn’t break it by altering the HTML in Notepad, so I’ll just add those back myself. Hehehe.

All was well at team Jacobs….until I spammed 1300 people from my new list service.

I have a great article about closing out 2008 and starting 2009 so that you can see better success next year in my inaugural e-zine, and I really, really, really wanted to get it out to my friends, networking buddies, and clients before everyone left for the holdays so they’d have time to do the exercise before the first of the year.  I wanted to send out an e-holiday card, too.  Unfortunately, I don’t understand the ins-and-outs of my list service, and when they approved my mailing list, that sent the message out the door…. one that said “Success! You have registered for my event.”  Oooops!

In retrospect, I should have outsourced this to someone who knew what they were doing.  This is what I would have told my any of my entrepreneur clients to do.  But, I still like to think that I am tech-savvy, and it is a coat that doesn’t fit anymore.  The covers were ripped off yesterday exposing a not-that-technical, not-always-perfect Personal and Business Results Coach.

My first instinct was to hide until it all blew over, but that’s not who I am these days.  I am an Inimitable Leader™, and as such, I take responsibility for the mistakes I make.

I sent out an apology to the entire list explaining what had happened.  Most people were wonderful, forgiving, and kind, and to those 4 of you who complained about the second spam, rest assured, your email has been removed.  Some old friends were just happy to hear from me – it had been too long.  I am grateful for having these people in my life, and one of my goals in 2009 is to keep in better contact with them.

And, guess what.  I didn’t shrivel up and die.  In that first hour, I was embarrassed and worried that I’ve lost face with people who respect me.  I was disappointed that I’d made this huge mistake launching my Brain-Based Coaching e-zine.  I’m over it.  The bottom line is that I produce excellent results for my clients, and my worth is not tied up in whether I can figure out the list service.  They don’t care as long as they’re getting results without my filling up their inboxes with junk.

Often, people don’t take action in their lives because they’re afraid it’ll be the wrong action.  They are afraid they’ll fail or look stupid. It isn’t the end of the world, and in some respects, this “failure” turned out better than I expected when I first realized what I’d done.

Leaders take action towards their goals.

The important thing is to taking consistent, intentional action in your lives and careers, one step at at a time toward the VISION and YOU that you’re creating.   Sometimes that action is imperfect.  Inimitable Leaders™ suck it up, fix it if they can, and take the next step.

Love and light,

Carolann

p.s. – Please, no one tell my husband that I have realized I am not perfect.  It would ruin his image of me.

p.p.s. – I’ve posted my e-zine here.

p.p.s. – Are you hanging onto an image of yourself that doesn’t fit you anymore?   Have you had an embarrassing experience that’s turned out better than you expected?  Post a reply below.