Principle #3 in Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles is “Decide What You Want.”  This, folks, is your vision.  What do you want to be, do and have?  My corollary on that is “Who do you want to be?” or maybe it’s “Who do you have to be to do and have what you want?”

We live our lives with a lot of can’ts and don’ts.  I have made a point to take the word “can’t” out of my vocabulary and replace it with “won’t.”  So, if you see me use the word “can’t,”  I invite you to call me on it, because there’s a good chance it was unconscious.

Can’ts and don’ts limit us, usually unnecessarily.  Most of us were conditioned as children to deny ourselves in a well-intentioned effort to keep us from becoming self-centered, self-absorbed, egotistical narcissists, to protect us from the pain of failure, and because parenting is a tiring business.  Sometimes, it’s just easier to say no.  For most of us, though, something went too far, and we find that our own little voices tell us no.

We’ve learned to ignore our wants, our desires.  We’ve been told that we should be satisfied with our lives.  Don’t get me wrong… I love my life.  And, it isn’t wrong, selfish, immoral, etc etc to want to be more.  I want to help more people.  I want to live larger.  No shame.  No apology.

The first step in this process is to figure our what we really want without shame or apology.  I think I’m there.

The next step is have a preference and act on it.  I am getting better at that.  The other night, Russ and I went out for Tex-Mex.  I really wanted the queso.  Normally, we’d do this routine about, “Do you want queso… no… what do you want…”  Folks, I’d had some sort of virus for days and had been eating toast.  I wanted queso, would have queso, and it didn’t matter whether Russ wanted to share the queso or not.  He seemed a little surprised when I ordered it without prior discussion.  Some would call that selfish.  I say not.  He was welcome to share or order something else.

I am still working on settling for less than I want.  Turns out, it’s a habit like any other.

Next steps are creating a wants list and vision.  Have those.

Will let you know how the settling thing goes, because I’m not moving on the Principle 4 until we have replaced that habit with stating my preference.

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann Jacobs

I haven’t written about my journey on the success principles in three months (oh my goodness!!!), and this is a good illustration about how time passes without forward movement.  In other words, a vision without any action is a dream.   To be fair and honest, I am doing between one and five things every day towards my big hairy goal, and my goal is aligned with my vision.   In other words, I’m not just chasing the shiny thing.

Principle #2 is “Be clear why you’re here.”    The most important statement in the chapter is “Without a purpose in life, it’s easy to get sidetracked on your life’s journey.”   Life happens.

Where I got hung up is that I did all of the exercised about personal life purpose statements.  I did the life purpose exercise.  Here’s what came out at the bottom:

“My purpose is to use my logic and creativity to lead by example and to inspire others to create successful lives with prosperity and abundance.”

That’s just a total #FAIL.

Folks, I’ve been working on this statement off and on now, through multiple coaches, for four years.  Really, it’s more like five years if you count the times I tried to do it pre-coaching.  I think I’ve decided that i just can’t get hung up on the verbiage.  It’s quite possibly an excuse not to move forward.  A self-created road block.

So, here’s what I am going with today:

“My purpose is to use my leadership skills, my strengths, my energy to provide environments and opportunities for others to be their best selves every day and to bring prosperity and abundance into my life and all the lives I touch.”

That at least lands a little better.  Sounds less like a corporate mission statement.  And, I reserve the right to revisit it

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann Jacobs

Courtesy of Lady Gaga and Beyonce:  ”Stop calling, Stop Calling, I don’t want to talk anymore…”   Ladies, if you don’t want someone to call you anymore, that’s within your locus of control.  Turn your phone off or block the number instead of complaining about it to an inanimate object – your phone.  (And, by the way, phone-stalking after a break-up sounds like the beginnings of an abusive relationship, so perhaps a restraining order is in order?)

“You’re a victim” is being drummed into our unconscious in all sorts of insidious ways, which affects our productivity and our level of happiness.  It’s so easy to say, “You change it, so my life is better.”

Courtesy of Orianthe:  ”According to you, I’m stupid, I’m uesless I can’t do anything right… According to him, I’m beautiful, incredible…”   Here, it’s abdicating responsibility for feelings of self-worth.  The message here – “I don’t think enough of myself to tell you that you’re a overly-critical jackass, so I’m going to load up on compliments from my new sugar daddy.”  It’s wholesale giving the power of her well-being over to someone else.  <Much sarcasm> let’s sing that into our temporal lobes so that our brains can unconsciously have us act that out.

I bring this up because song has a way of bypassing our conscious filters, and along with other social cues it adds to the normalization of the fiction that we are somehow not accountable for our results.   Folks, this meme affects not only our ability to live happy and fulfilled lives, it takes away from our effectiveness in the workplace.  Be vigilant!

And, be your best you today,

Carolann Jacobs

I’m in the second or perhaps third week of working Principle 1 – Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life, and I admit, I am still stuck on the No Complaints rule.  This is somewhat embarrassing since I harp on this one with my clients.

What I’ve noticed is that I’ve stopped complaining out loud, for the most part.  I’ve replaced it with a form of blaming in my head and attached myself to inaction and unwillingness to provide negative feedback.  My payoff is martyrdom.  This is not a positive development.

Here’s an example.  Last week, one of my vendors did not deliver something as promised.  I waited.  I stressed.  At one point, I followed up.  And I waited.

I could have called and insisted that this work take priority.  I could have managed this more like I would have managed projects.  I could have instituted some carrots or sticks.  Instead, I mentally framed this as “That company never gets my work to me when they say they will, and I am doing them a great favor by continuing to give them my business.”  Poor sad me, who has to put up with crappy vendors.  Like I said, not a positive development, and it looks really dumb and weeny-ish in writing.

Now, on a more progressive note, I am super-honed in on complaining, blaming, denial, and negative energy when I see it, and I walk away as opposed to joining in.  When I can’t walk away, I put up my Star Trek shield to deflect the negative energy.    This is what Canfield calls recognizing “yellow alerts.”   The ability to recognize these things earlier gives us the opportunity to change our response, which then gives us a chance to impact the outcome in a more positive way.

In that vein, I am seriously considering unfriending the constant complainers on Facebook.   Thoughts?

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann Jacobs

Last week, I went to a one day live workshop with Jack Canfield, and was considering, along with the accountability partner he recommended and the mastermind group that frankly I’m not in the mood to participate in, how I could execute on the principles better.  I very much like the content, and the success is in the action, not in the knowledge.

The idea of doing this on my blog popped into my head earlier in the  week.   One of the things I am developing on my journey of self improvement is a better connection with my intuition, so when this idea showed up, I decided to act.

By doing this publicly, I have some built in accountability to actually do it, and you can join me in both the journey and in the conversation.  There is the possibility of some free virtual coaching should you decide to join the conversation.

According to Jack Canfield, it takes anywhere between two to three years to master the principles in this book.  So, my original idea of doing one a week isn’t realistic.  What I am going to do then is spend anywhere from two weeks to a month on any given principle with the idea that some will be easier than others.  And, I reserve the right to revisit those that may need more work at a later date.

So, let’s get started.

The first principle is “Take 100% responsibility for your life.”  This means I have to take responsibility for the level of my results, the quality of my relationships, the state of my body, my financial wellbeing… everything.

My first thought is to resist.  And I’ve been doing this principle for years now.  The question, “How did I create this?” is a hard one to ask when it feels like external sources contributed to the outcome.  Knowing that I am the only person whom I can 100%, I know cognitively that it’s an important question to ask.  And, up to now, I have resisted.

A reminder that I am not yet there of this happened just this week.  The fitness manager at one of the clubs where I teach changed the schedule with less than a days’ notice, without asking any of the instructors about their availability.  As we’re all scrambling around trying to find people to cover our classes, my first thought was, “I can’t believe she’s making this our problem!  She changed the schedule, she should be the one who has to figure out how to cover it.”

Imagine a buzzer a la Family Feud.  Wrong answer.  In a world in which Circimstance/Event + My Response = Outcome, what is this really buying me?  So far… stress and resentment.

A better response would have been to pick up the phone and request that she do the work.  Another response would have been to postpone the changes until next month.  Another response would be to quit.  Another would be to request input into the changes.  So many choices!

To be successful in living this principle, we have to do three things:

• Follow the “No Complaints” rule.  I’m still working on that one, too, and I’ve done a decent job of adopting this one.
• No excuses.  Up to now, this one is really hard.  Sometimes things feel like they’re out of my control.  And, whether the lack of desired outcome may be a result of my ignorance, well that’s still on me.
• No blaming.  I am cause, not effect.

The advantage of living this principle is that it trains our brains to notice and respond more quickly.  More about this later!

Be Your Best You Today,

Carolann

p.s. – Please do read the chapter “Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life” and post your results below.